He Loves Me

"How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand—

when I awake, I am still with you."

Psalm 139: 17-18

These words and their meaning overtake me as they roll over in my spirit. As I was out running errands this morning, I was still basking in the glow of an unexpected visitation from my dearest Friend. He had come to me while I was working at my computer. I found myself just sitting here, soaking in an unplanned dousing of His presence.

Later as I sat behind the wheel of my car, He came to me again, as if to say, "I'm not finished with you yet."

In the middle of my crazy busy-ness and determination to mark yet another item off my To-Do List, here is what I heard, "I am so in love with you. You are so beautiful to Me."

Naturally I immediately responded with wordless tears. "I have always loved you. I love watching you. I love the way you belong to Me."

One of the many thoughts that flooded my heart in the nano-seconds that followed was that He always knows exactly what to say - what I need to hear. In a way that only the most attentive Lover ever could, He once again captured my attention and my heart in one moment.

This year has been for me anything but routine. After seven and-a-half years in Arkansas working with an amazing team of people building an outreach church, my husband and I yielded to the undeniable leading of the Lord that it was time for us to return to Austin. David came in January to find work while I stayed in Fort Smith, continuing to work and wrap things up both at my job and the church. At the end of March, I left Fort Smith for Austin.

That was only the beginning of what has developed into one of the most unusual years of my life, but that is a story for another time. One of the many things I have come to understand and embrace on a much deeper level than before is that God is not interested in adhering to routine. Everything about my life this year has been such a departure from normalcy that the comment I most often hear from people is, "I don't know how you do it."

Well, neither do I. Because none of it makes any sense. God will use the foolish things of this world to confound the wise, and what seems to be the most ridiculous course of action is sometimes the only one that will get you where you are going. People used to tell me I was an "outside-the-box thinker." I no longer think outside the box. I live there. The box, if it ever really existed, is just a tiny spec on the horizon in my rear-view mirror.

And through it all, quietly providing a solid foundation on which I can place my trust, is this crazy peace that has come to be a familiar friend. It's the peace that passes understanding, that defies logic and stands as a silent centurion protecting my heart from the sure despair that would overtake me if not for the undeniable presence of the Comforter in every moment.

So here I am, experiencing once again a sense of wonder that in all the crazy, mixed-up stuff that is my life, Someone is thinking of me constantly. He watches me, not waiting for me to mess up, but smitten by the look on my face when He enters the room. The love in His eyes is for me. And no matter how far I step away from "normal," He is still here, walking with me and leading me into Himself.

And tomorrow morning, when I wake up, He will still be here.