The Realm of the Unexpected

As I realize how much time has passed since I last posted, I am reminded of just how quickly life happens when we are looking the other way.

The past few months have seen many changes, not the least of which is David and I being reunited in the same house for the first time since January of last year. The move from Arkansas to Texas was a transition that took longer than either of us had anticipated in terms of our living in separate areas of town while job issues were resolved.

Well, resolution is not fully complete, but thankfully we are back under the same roof. We spent several grueling months trying to purchase a home only to have the financing fall through at the last minute, the result of mishandling by our broker. We decided to find a small and cheap rental to give us some time to regroup, and on April 1, we moved into a small, modest four-plex in an area near one of central Texas' greatest treasures, Lake Travis.

I mentioned "many changes," and while time does not allow me to elaborate on that at the moment, I can say that where I find myself today is working to build a home-based business while also looking for a "real" job to help sustain us financially until the aforementioned business takes off, which I am confident that it eventually will. This process has proven to be a real test of my faith, as we have really had to trust the Lord for His provision during this season of continued transition.

The past couple of weeks have brought me into a realm of renewed closeness with Him as He has once again drawn me into His presence at unexpected times, in unexpected ways and in unexpected places. As I have begun to release my grasp on the circumstances around me and my incessant drive to control them, I have watched His provision come forth in short bursts when I'm least expecting it. My sensitivity to His gentle nudgings is being heightened, as is my awareness of Him throughout the day.

During a recent encounter I had with Him, I tearfully asked Him why He had been so silent lately. He replied that He had been bringing me to a place of total dependence on Him because of what He is about to release me into. The details of this are currently between me and Him, but let me encourage you with this:

If you are feeling isolated and alone in your relationship with Him, and His voice seems distant at best, do not give up. Stay close to Him. Keep pressing your head into His chest. Let go of whatever it is you need to let go of. If you genuinely ask, He will show you - in fact, you probably already know what it is.

Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions. He is not afraid of them, and He will answer them. Most of all, seek wisdom. When you aren't hearing anything regarding where to turn next, His wisdom will guide you, and He promises to give it freely.

Blessings on you and yours. May hope reign in your heart and peace reside in your spirit.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, 

who gives generously to all without finding fault, 

and it will be given to you."

James 1:5

Planning vs. Doing

True confession: I am a planner. To a fault. I plan for all kinds of scenarios. When faced with almost any situation, I picture in my head how it might play out and I plan for how I will respond/react to that outcome. Then I pick another potential outcome and do it all over again.

I plan how certian conversations will go, especially if there is the potential for conflict, and I plan what I will say and how I will say it.

I plan my days, my weeks and my months, knowing full well that life almost always intervenes and throws my planning out the window, but I am compelled to do it again and again.

If anyone ever saw the crazy tangled mess of planning and re-planning and trying to anticipate life and how I will react to it that goes on inside my head on an almost constant basis, I would undoubtedly be quickly committed to the nearest psych ward for evaluation - probably donned in a white "hug-me" jacket that ties in the back just for good measure. I'm not a danger to others,  but to myself - now that's open for debate.

I spend so much time planning and trying to control my little corner of the world that I sometimes neglect to do the doing.

I stumbled across a verse in Psalms this evening, quite the way one stumbles across a boulder in the middle of the sidewalk. Right there, nice and unobtrusively obvious in its placement on the page where my fingers turned and my eyes fell was this little gem:

"Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground;"

Wait for it ... wait for it ...

"On that very day their plans come to nothing."   ~ Psalm 146:3-4

Ouch. That hurt. I don't want my plans to come to nothing. If I spend my life planning and not doing, then my life will also come to nothing. Not that planning in itself is a bad thing. It is a necessary part of life. But like anything else, it must be kept in balance and in proper perspective. It is in the doing that we live out what we are designed to do. It is in the being that we discover who we are destined to be.

I want to be close to Him; found faithful; called a friend of God; known by Him; sheltered under the shadow of His wing; someone in whom the love of Jesus is seen and the heartbeat of God is heard.

I want to do the will of my Father who sent me; the work of His hands; that which pleases Him and brings a smile to His face; that which honors His name and causes others to look to Him.

I want to plan my days, my weeks and my months, knowing full well that life almost always intervenes and throws my planning out the window; and that when it does, it is not because I have planned poorly, but rather because I have learned well to listen to the voice of the One who loves me most and am willing to let my plans go as I embrace His.

As I trust in Him with all my heart, leaning not on my own understanding, He will make my paths straight.

Now that's something I can plan on.

You Are Here

God's ways are not like our ways, of this there is no doubt. The harder pill to swallow, however, is that His timing is usually not like ours, either. I think that we are impatient creatures by nature and that patience does not occur naturally. None of us is born with it. It is a process - a fruit of the Spirit that must be nurtured and cultivated and, well, you get the idea.

Our culture has capitalized on this fact that we are impatient by nature and has carefully groomed us to expect instant everything. But the harsh reality is that we don't always get what we want, even if it is what God wants for us, when we want it.

In the four months since I have moved back to Austin, my idea of what my life would be like by now has pretty much shriveled up and died. My expectations have proven to be a bit unrealistic, although not necessarily by the world's standards, but by the standards adhered to when walking out what the Lord is leading you in - no matter how crazy it seems to yourself and everyone else.

Where I thought I would be by now is a tiny little speck on the horizon while I stand here in the middle of nowhere under a big red circle that reads, "You are here." Well, "here" is not where I want to be. I want to be "there." Waaaay over there. Now, please.

While I have spent much of the last several weeks feeling like I was spinning my wheels going absolutely NO-where, just waiting for something - anything - to bust open, I am beginning to catch a little glimpse of the "why" behind all this waiting. It's still a little fuzzy, but I am confident that the path that has been laid out before me will gradually come into focus as my "eyes" adjust.

Things are beginning to move slowly. Very slowly. I have been often frustrated in recent months because things were not happening as quickly as I thought they should. I have questioned whether or not I had heard God in pursuing the things I have been pursuing, and each and every time, I have ultimately returned to this one simple truth:

There is an illogical peace that resides deep in the soul of a child of God when she is standing dead center in the will of God for her life.

It makes no sense. Every circumstance swirling around her screams, “Worry – fear – dread!” But she quietly stands. The people around her question her actions and may eventually begin to believe that she has somehow missed the mark. There she is, standing alone. Her own thoughts and everything she has come to understand as what “should be” are shaken to the very core and pieces begin to crumble to the ground. She’s still standing.

This peace defies all reason and even makes her look like a fool. But it is the quiet confidence that is intravenously transmitted from the heart of the Almighty Himself directly into her spirit, and it is the very source of her strength and resolve to keep standing.

He sees the much larger picture of His plan for me than I will ever be able to comprehend or would even be able to carry if I saw it all now. This is where trust becomes something you can sink your teeth into. This is where faith brings you one step closer to spiritual adulthood, making the transition from child to woman or man. This is where your spirit becomes more intricately intertwined with that of the Creator. This is real - more real than anything else staring you in the face right now.

So keep standing. Keep your eyes fixed on the face of the One Who knows you best and loves you most. Your Deliverer is coming. He is standing by. You WILL see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

 "In quietness and trust is your strength..." 
Isaiah 30:15


"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness
of the LORD in the land of the living." 
Psalm 27:13

Late Night Instruction

I know I've said this before, but I'll say it again. Sometimes life just happens so fast that it's all you can do to hang on and run with it - much less slow down long enough to write about it. Such has been the case for the past several weeks.

The truth is, I really don't have anything profound to say even now, but I find myself with a few rare moments of quiet solitude this evening, so here I am.

The birthing of a new media company with my dad and brother has consumed much of my time and attention recently, but I also have a couple of consulting clients that have been keeping me busy as well. For these I am thankful, because they have provided at least a small trickle of income while we are getting the business up and running.

The crazy pace of keeping all these spinning plates in the air has resulted in more than a few very late and even sleepless nights as looming deadlines have dictated my sleep schedule.

The other night was such a night, and as I lay in bed, physically exhausted but still too mentally buzzed to fall asleep, I began to pray. One of the things I specifcally prayed for was a client project that was coming to a close after several weeks, and I was having a hard time putting together the final analysis in preparation for a presentation meeting with the client. I had started over several times and was simply uncomfortable with the overall organization of the presentation.

As I prayed for direction, the answer came to me pretty quickly as to how to proceed. What followed was a gentle but firm reminder that if I would simply slow down long enough to listen more often, I would be much more able to clearly hear what He is guiding me in.

The steps of the righteous ae ordered of the Lord, and He promises to make our path straight before us if we acknowledge Him in all our ways. It may seem like a simple thing, but this foundational kingdom principle is one that is increasingly difficult to walk in consistently in today's society.

Let us commit to challenge ourselves and one another to continuously acknowledge the Lord in all our ways throughout each day, knowing that He will make our path straight, making it clearer for us which way we are to proceed.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

The Sound of Wind

In a rare quiet moment of solitude this evening, I am unusually aware of the hand of God hovering, sensing blessing and favor lingering near. My heart is once again completely saturated by the overwhelming sweetness and staggering power of His presence.

There are so many unanswered questions in my heart these days, but the peace that consumes me somehow settles these matters in my spirit, giving me the strength I need to continue on this journey. 

That sounds nice, but sometimes I'd be grateful for some hint of where this train is going. I was chatting on Facebook the other night with my friend, Wendy, and after my usual rant about having no clue what God is doing in all the "not normal" stuff that defines my life lately, she simply said, "You are in the hand of God right now."

"Well," I replied, "it would be really great if He could just open His fingers up a bit and let a little light in, because it's dark in here, and I can't see a thing!"

How often do we, having yielded our lives to the One from whom our destiny came in the first place, find ourselves still struggling for some sense of control over the direction in which we are headed? Admittedly, too often. Giving up control doesn't come easy.

Faith requires us to walk boldly into uncharted territory. It dictates that we stand in foreign places with the confident assurance that God is who He says He is, and that He will do what He said He will do in and through us.

It is only when our will has been conformed to His own that we experience the true freedom that He intended for us from the beginning. Our dreams are not designed to be achieved but fulfilled. The dreams that He has planted within us can only be fulfilled when we stop trying to achieve them and trust them back to Him. Even in this very moment, He is preparing us for the fulfillment (the development of the full potential of) our dreams and our destinies.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It is the sound of a strong and steady wind that I hear approaching. It seems to come from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. It sounds like no other wind I have ever heard - gentle yet strong, and I close my eyes to listen to its voice.

It is the breath of God. It is the sound that was heard in the most defining moment of Creation as the Almighty exhaled, breathing eternal existence into the lifeless body of Adam. It is the sound I hear now, as lifeless dreams are beginning to stir with anticipation. The winds of eternity are approaching, and nothing will ever be the same again.

"Blessed is she who has believed that 

what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished."

Luke 1:45

I am Certain of This One Thing

Sometimes I feel so close to Jesus that I can almost taste the sweetness in the air as His fragrance seems to permeate the air around me. Other times, I don't feel Him quite so close, but must rely on the simple truth that He is faithful, and that even though I don't "feel" Him, I know He is here. Tonight falls into the latter category.

As I sit here listening over and over again to a couple of songs that are deeply ministering to my dry and thirsty spirit, I am once again overtaken by the immenseness of His love for me. Tears flow readily as I drink in His goodness. I don't know why He loves me so much, nor can I explain why He has chosen me, an immeasurably imperfect vessel, to carry out His kingdom purposes in this generation. But He does, and He has.

So here I sit in a darkened room, with lyrics declaring His faithfulness and music that soothes my soul washing over me like a cool and refreshing waterfall on a steamy Texas summer day.

"All I ever know is Jesus, You are faithful to the end."

These are words I have spoken over and over as I have recounted to wounded women the part of my story that includes a broken marriage and the unbelievably dark clouds that shrouded my heart month after month as I underwent deep emotional healing. In my darkest moments, when I felt completely and utterly alone, the only thing that gave me the strength to draw my next breath was the knowledge that Jesus was faithful. It was the grace that I found woven through the tapestry of my heart through a lifelong love relationship with Him that enabled me to keep going through the process of healing. When I didn't know anything else, I knew the character of my God. I knew He was with me, even though I couldn't always feel Him.

As we face uncertain times and the unrest that naturally accompanies seasons of transition and change, of this one thing I am most certain: Jesus is faithful to the end. He will never leave me or forsake me. He did not bring me here for anything other than His divine plans for me - the plans to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future. Of this I am sure. 

Keep standing, dear friend. Don't sit down. That which has been conceived in you is about to be birthed into the glorious fulfillment of the destiny for which you were born. We don't have to understand it all right now. He will reveal all truth to us in His time. Until then, let us remain steadfast, continuously reminding ourselves and one another that He is faithful to the end - that He is faithful to complete the good work that He has begun within us.

"The LORD gives strength to his people; 

the LORD blesses his people with peace."

Psalm 29:11

Divine GPS

I read somewhere recently that trust and understanding rarely accompany one another. Truer words were never spoken.

It seems recently that as I begin to engage in this next chapter of my life, the more I am learning to trust and the less I understand. The simple but deep revelation that is settling into my heart is that if I understood everything, there would be no reason for me to trust.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart 

and lean not on your own understanding."

Proverbs 3:5

This familiar verse has made its way across my path several times in the past few days, and I am learning to slow down and listen when the Lord is trying so persistently to capture my attention. 

When I see these words, one of the first things that comes to my mind is one evening several years ago when I was speaking at a ladies' meeting at church. My message was on trust, and I opened my hardcover Bible to the page where this verse was found. 

As I spoke, I began to casually but carefully tear the page out of my Bible, much to the horror of some of the ladies there. I held the page up and said, "This is my understanding."

I then held up a pen and said, "And this is me."

Holding the page just above the podium, I tried in vain to lean the pen into the page. Needless to say, the very thin paper could not support the weight of the pen, and the pen just kept falling. 

I carefully placed the page back inside the Bible, closed the Book and said, "But watch this. When I submit my understanding to God's and allow His Word and His understanding to surround mine..." I stood the Bible up on the podium and successfully leaned the pen into the Bible, which, of course, was plenty strong to support it. My point was made. 

I still have that Bible, and that page is still folded and rests in its rightful place. It serves as a constant reminder to me of how feeble my understanding is and that my need to fully trust Him is great. 

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, 

and He will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:6

As we encounter the stuff of life that presents itself to us every day, it is the acknowledging of Him that proves to be the greatest challenge. In order for me to acknowledge Him, I have to be still long enough to take my hands off the stuff and what I think the outcome should be and ask Him what His plan is in it. He promises that if we will simply do that, just stop and ask for His direction, He will make the path straight before us. 

It's like a divine GPS navigation system. Only the desired destination (destiny) has already been entered for us. He is giving us the directions. We just have to listen and follow the straight path that He is placing before us. 

The direction I think things are going seems to be changing almost daily, and as the Lord keeps gently reminding me, my security is not in the circumstances that surround me. My security lies in the quiet confidence that I am being closely held in the shadow of the Almighty, nestled safely next to His heart. Here is where I have found my hope.

"In repentance and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength..."

Isaiah 30:15