Martha Gets a Time Out

Music from the Heart: Deep In Love With You by Michael W. Smith

From my journal (today's entry):

I’ve stayed home from church today in a desperate attempt to find some quality time at the feet of Jesus. I miss Him so much. Once again I have allowed so many other “worthy” endeavors to crowd my days, my mind and my heart that there has been little room left for the One whose heart beats passionately for me.

My heart is swimming with a mix of emotions: sorrow over having caused Him even the slightest twinge of pain; an ever-deepening appreciation for His grace as I experience, yet again, His comforting embrace, holding me close as we reconnect; an overwhelming sense of His love for me – that unconditional, tender, intense love that I have come to find familiar and life-giving.

Once again, I am crumbled in tears at His feet, longing for a return to the sweet intimacy that we have shared so many times before. The Martha in me, being the strong, focused, admittedly controlling administrator, too often takes center stage, leaving Mary unobtrusively waiting in the wings.

Today, at least for this moment, I am Mary.

Mary. That is such a simple, common name for a woman who in one moment quietly made a choice that placed her at the feet of Jesus, and who without a word demonstrated worship in its purest form. Surrounded by things that needed to be done and people who wanted her to do them, Mary set her gaze on the face of Jesus. She sat down on the floor at His feet and listened to Him as He shared His heart. Worship doesn’t get any more simple and pure than that – wordless wonder as we look on His face and listen to His voice.

This is where I find myself this morning. Surrounded by the stuff of life, with a to-do-list that borders on being shamefully long, I have chosen to take these precious hours today to spend at His feet. I must. I am desperate. Like the dry summer ground is currently thirsting for rain, my soul is screaming for a deluge of His presence to come and sweep me away into an ocean of more. I’m ready to get wet.

So here I am, sitting on the living room floor, with the music of fellow psalmists and minstrels filling the room with a sweet atmosphere of worship. They sing songs of surrender and abandon, songs that tell of His grace, mercy and love, leaving me to sit and listen. Bible, pen, paper, and Kleenex are close-by.

Martha is getting a “time-out.” This is Mary’s moment.

“She (Martha) had a sister called Mary,

Who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what He said.”

Luke 10:39

10 Things I Remember About Summer as a Kid

Music from the Heart: What A Wonderful World by Kenny G & Louis Armstrong

As the lazy hazy days of summer are making their rounds once again, I admittedly find myself at work some days wishing I was anywhere else. After pondering this a little more deeply, I have decided that my daydreaming has less to do with my job (I love where I work and what I do) and more to do with a nostalgic longing for a simpler time.

With that in mind, here is another edition of my "10 Things" lists:

Ten Things I Remember About Summer as a Kid

1. The thrill of having unstructured time to do whatever we wanted.

2. Riding my bike to the library and spending half the afternoon there, reading, dreaming, and enjoying the smell.

3. Swimming lessons, culminated at the end of the second year by jumping off the high-dive in order to pass the class.

4. Spending time at my grandmother's house, without Mom and Dad, and how special & grown-up that made me feel.

5. The unforgettable sound of night critters like crickets & katydids, which seemed to be everywhere.

6. Kool-aid and bologna sandwiches.

7. Slip n' Slide and whatever other ways we could get wet with the garden hose.

8. Drinking from the garden hose without even a thought about getting sick - but letting the water cool off first, of course.

9. Playing outside from morning until dark and coming in at night wearing the smell of summer.

10. The absolute freedom of not having a care in the world.

You're The One

Music from the Heart: Leaving Ninety-Nine by Audio Adrenaline

This past weekend we (The River) hosted the second annual Hope Fest, a community missions outreach held at a local low-income apartment complex. In the final days of preparation, some of the ministry leadership began to sense that the turnout may not be what we had originally hoped for, but that the Lord was encouraging us to move forward with all the passion and vigor as though there would be 100% participation from the residents. We sensed a burden for individuals (although we had no idea which individuals) that seemed to grow heavier as the event grew closer.

As it turned out, there were fewer people there than at last year's event. In fact, at the No-Walls Worship service, there were more worship team, ministry team and volunteers on site than residents. But that's okay. In fact, it's better than okay.

One of our team members, Sarah, was supposed to leave on a family vacation prior to Hope Fest, but felt so strongly that she was supposed to stay and be a part of the Hope Fest that her family postponed their departure until the day after Hope Fest ended. A couple of weeks prior to the outreach, we were praying about KidzFest (the Saturday morning children's event), and Sarah stepped in and said she felt she was to take the Bible activity time. What she did not realize was that her obedience had a prophetic element to it and ignited something in the spirit that would permeate the entire event.

Sarah's theme for the Bible activity with the kids was the love of the Shepherd for His sheep, and how He would leave the ninety-nine to go after a single lost lamb. She did a beautiful job of illustrating this and bringing it into real-life application for the kids, even donning a shepherd's costume as she told her story.

Hope Fest ended, and I called Wendy (pastor of The River) while I was on my way home Saturday night. I shared with her what was on my heart - that if one person was eternally affected by what took place over the weekend, it was all worth it.

"It's kinda like Sara's message with the kids," I said. "He will leave the ninety-nine to go after the one." Wendy's reply: "Well, he went after the one."

She began to share with me what had taken place that night with a young man, a self-proclaimed atheist, who had been brought by his girlfriend. Throughout the evening, it was obvious the Lord was working on him, and while he has not yet given his life to the Lord, we believe it is only a matter of time. By the end of the evening he was obviously enjoying himself and was almost engaged in the worship. The Shepherd has His eye on that one.

The testimonies are beginning to trickle in of several "ones" that the Holy Spirit latched onto this past weekend. More details on those later, as we are still compiling them.

Until then, here's the thing. You are the one. You are the one He will leave the ninety-nine to come chasing after out of a deep and passionate love for you and the insatiable desire to see you where you belong - with Him. You are the apple of His eye, the love of His life. You are His favorite.

No matter what today brings, remember this: The Good Shepherd Himself watches over you day and night. You are what He is all about. This assurance brings with it great hope, great peace, and great purpose.

The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—
He will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121: 5-8

Chocolate or Vanilla?

Music from the Heart: Every Move I Make by Passion Worship Band

It's a little after three AM, and I was awakened by a dream a little while ago. Actually, I woke up almost singing.

I lead worship for an outreach church called The River Fort Smith. The River is a sister church of City Christian Fellowship, which we sometimes refer to as the "mother ship." I played with the CCF worship team for a while before my hand was seriously injured in a rollover accident in May of 2006. It was nearly a year before I was able to play again, and several more months before I was able to play for any length of time. Since then, the Lord brought other keyboard players into the mix, and I was free to fully pursue my true passion: providing a meaningful worship experience for the precious people of The River.

In my dream this morning, I was at a rehearsal of the CCF worship team, sitting near the keyboard player, observing. I had the opportunity to sing with the background vocalists if I wanted to. I was sitting there pondering whether or not I wanted to sing with the group or just enjoy the worship service from the congregation. The reasons for and against singing with the team that morning kept rolling over in my head, and I woke up before I made a decision. I woke up singing, "Every Move I Make."

I believe that what the Lord was showing me was that sometimes we are faced with choices that we struggle with in our desire to find the perfect will of God. In our effort to step only into that perfect will, we hesitate to make any move at all for fear of it being the wrong one, so we do nothing.

Granted, there are some decisions we must make when a clear direction one way or the other is necessary and we must seek His will and be obedient. But other times we are faced with options that are equally good and beneficial, and we will be blessed in whichever one we choose.

When we are walking in true freedom and in close relationship with Him, we are sensitive to His voice and leading. We KNOW when He is pulling us back, saying, "No, don't go there." We can also know that sometimes He says, "Here, you can choose either of these, and whichever you want is fine with Me." It's like being asked, "Which kind of ice cream do you want - chocolate or vanilla?"

Legalism binds. Relationship brings freedom. Jesus showed us the difference in John 15:15 when he said, "I no longer call you servants ... instead, I have called you friends." In the same chapter, He instructed us to abide in Him. When we are in Him, we can know true freedom because we know where the boundaries are. It's like children on a fenced-in playground, free to run anywhere inside the fence. They can choose to play on the monkeybars or the swings or the merry-go-round.

The encouragement here is this: don't take life so seriously that you over-spiritualize every little aspect of it and miss out on the pure joy of just being in relationship with Him. Take your relationship with Him seriously and don't trivialize it; but enjoy the freedom to run and play and dance and be His child. It's His heart for you. Something to ponder until next time ...

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17

Hope of Restoration

It's been a couple of weeks since I last posted. Many times I have sat down to start, but something else always seems to take precedence. Not today.

My heart today is filled with many things: peace in the face of uncertainty, thankfulness for the goodness of the Lord in providing for every need, and an ever-deepening love and admiration for my husband.

But underneath these wonderful things lies an ache that I cannot soothe. It is the dull pain of a vision that has not yet been fulfilled, a destiny not yet realized. Its roots are planted deep in the soil of a hope that has seen and tasted the goodness of the God of restoration who has given us, His Bride, the ministry of reconciliation. The deepest desire of His heart is to reconcile His most glorious creation, you, to an intimate relationship with Him.

You find yourself today at a place where your heart longs for something more than what you have yet experienced in your life. You may have tried to feed that longing with empty relationships, addictive drugs or alcohol, secret activities that now control you, career ambitions or maybe even church, ministry and family activities. Maybe you simply struggle day in and day out just to maintain, living paycheck to paycheck, never knowing true rest, desperate for something that you can't even put a name to. You are weary.

This message is for you.

Your mourning is about to be turned to dancing, your weeping into laughing, and your sorrow into joy as the God of restoration Himself infuses your situation with His presence. In the overwhelming cloud of His presence, that thing you are facing that has consumed your vision WILL NOT BE ABLE TO STAND. It WILL fall! Your time is NOW! Embrace it. Your destiny hangs heavy over you and the pending birth will launch you into kingdom-shaking authority as the Lord breathes His life into your passion - the same life-giving breath He blew into the lungs of Adam. It's yours - right here, right now.

Now is the time to be reconciled to Him. Today is the day for hope to be rekindled in your heart. Let the restoration begin.

Father God, as we submit to Your magnificent plan,
saturate us in Your presence again and again and again.
Here in this place of intimacy with You
we have found our healing, our rest, our peace, and our purpose.
Gloriously wash over over us even now
with healing and restoring waters
that burst forth from Your throne.
Immerse us in You. So let it be.
Amen.