Unexpected Blessings

It's been quite a busy week, both at work and at home. At the office, a series of last minute deadline changes kept me on my toes from the moment I walked in until the moment I walked out.

At home, I've been working on a new website for The River Fort Smith, which should be ready to launch very soon. Currently I'm awaiting some additional content for a couple of the pages and a few more photos need to be taken, then the final edit, and then we launch!

In between all that, I am thrilled to have gotten back into the songwriting mode after so many years. At the risk of sounding cliche, it really does seem almost like riding a bike, because now that I have gotten back into this groove, melodies are coming very quickly, and lyrics (or at least thoughts and ideas that will become lyrics) are also coming very readily.

What I am finding interesting about this whole process, and quite rewarding, actually, is that some songs I had started years ago are coming back to the forefront and are now in the process of being completed. It was like somewhere I had gotten the idea that I had to leave the old behind me, when as it turns out, it has been the key to help unlock the new. As I am bringing back certain songs, they are not only now being finished, but they are releasing new ideas for new material. I was in the car the other day and started humming a new melody that I now see is the missing piece of a warfare song I started several years ago and have never been fully satisfied with how it ended. I always felt like it needed more. Now the more is here.

So to you, dear reader, I offer this encouragement. No matter where you are and what things lie in your heart that seem to be incomplete, the Lord is near. Those dreams and visions, passions and poems, dances, songs, and hopes are not dead. They are simply sleeping, waiting for the Life Giver to walk into the situation and speak the words, "Wake up!"

Don't give up. Keep hoping, keep dreaming, keep chasing after Him. He is near. Hear His approaching footsteps and the keys rattling in His hand. Stand up and prepare to walk out of your prison, for the door is about to be opened, your chains are about to be loosed, and the sun is rising on your day of freedom.

Seven Years in the Making

Yesterday a prayer was answered. It happened during the message at church. Our pastor was sharing on ... truthfully I don't recall all of it. There were two words he uttered that ignited something inside me. As he continued his message, I began to tune out, only half-listening. Okay, there I admit it. Let's move on.

These two words I wrote down. Then I paused. Then I wrote down a few more words, as I heard them in my spirit. Again I paused. A few more words, now coming more readily, and before the service was over, what lay on the page before me was the chorus to a new song.

We went about our regular Sunday afternoon activities, and in the evening, in a quiet room, I sat down at my keyboard. I began to play. A simple chord progression began to rise from the keys. Then I began to sing. Thoughts were coming almost more quickly than I could keep up with them. I hesitated with some of the lines I wanted to write down, because of their boldness. The strong words painted a picture that was unlike anything I'd written before. Truth isn't always pretty to look at. But it does result in our freedom when we dare to look it in the face.

The end result was a new song, the answer to a prayer, a cry of my heart that has gone up to the heavens for years. There was a time in my past when songwriting was as natural to me as breathing. Lyrics and melodies came from a place deep inside me where I was not alone. One of my secret disappointments over the last several years has been that I had not written a single song in seven years, since just before we moved to Arkansas.

Not that I haven't tried. I could sit down and come up with something just for the sake of writing something, but this has never been my desire. I have always wanted my music to minister, first to the Lord, then to the earthbound fellow worshiper. My songs have always been intimate, very personal, and mostly vertical in their message.

Here is the truth I have uncovered regarding this new breakthrough. When my life was surrounded by noise clutter, I could not hear the songs that have been lying dormant deep inside me. Now that I am spending more time surrounded by silence, my spirit, my mind and my heart are coming together to a quiet place and are allowing the songs to be heard. In the silence, my soul sings.

The two words Pastor Craig uttered during his message Sunday have become the title for the new song, "Undivided Heart." I am believing the Lord that this is only the beginning of what will become a series of songs born in a new season of my life and my relationship with Jesus. Many of my songs in the past were born out of pain and healing and restoration. These new songs, I believe, will be songs of deliverance and renewal, of returning to a secret, holy place of personal communion and worship, and of taking broken, hurting people to that place for the first time.

"But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers
will worship the Father in spirit and truth;
for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers."
John 4:23

To Obey or Not to Obey

This week has been for me a lesson in obedience. Not the kind that deters punishment. No, this is the obedience that results in a greater blessing and a deeper closeness with the One who loves me most. It is the kind of obedience that, when we do not walk in it, strips us of the blessing intended for us by a loving and merciful Father.

It's three o'clock in the morning, and I have been awakened by the Lord to spend time with Him. After our conversation, I have decided to share with you some of what we are discussing, because I believe that what I am discovering is important enough to share.

I had a health issue arise last weekend that by Tuesday had me desperate for some kind of relief. Oddly enough, someone at church last Sunday, while praying for me, felt led to pray for my health. As I was praying about what to do about the sinus pain and pressure I was having, which was not responding to any medication, the Lord led me to the internet, where I not only discovered some natural remedies (which turned out to work beautifully), but where I also came across information regarding what I now believe to be the root cause. More on that later.

As I walked into the health food store to purchase some of the things I needed, I heard the voice of the Lord ask me, how badly do you want this? He was asking me how committed I was to really feeling better. There are some significant lifestyle changes on the horizon if I am to truly be free from these symptoms that have plagued me for months, and in some cases years, things that I thought were completely unrelated, but I now believe are all connected to this root condition (again, more on that later).

When I immediately felt better when using the home remedies I discovered, I also began to reason with myself why I should allow myself "cheat days", allotted times for me to deviate from the truth I had uncovered, that certain things I was doing and consuming were causing my trouble. Herein lies the problem - the spirit is willing, but yes, the flesh is weak. This is why the Lord was asking me how badly I wanted to feel better.

So here I am at three in the morning, reading over Isaiah 30. Verse 15 tells of His promise of salvation and strength if we repent, rest in Him, are quiet before Him, and trust Him. Verses 16 and 17 speak to our "having none of it" and pursuing our own ideas and agendas. Then in verse 18, we see the longing of the Lord to be gracious to us. It says "He rises to show you compassion." That means He takes an active role in positioning Himself to show us compassion, not passively waiting for us to pass in front of Him as He waves some heavenly "compassion wand" over us.

There is so much more I am gleaning from this chapter that I cannot share it all here and now, but I will later. For now, these verses remind me that His wisdom far exceeds mine, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and that when I am serious about pursuing His methods of taking better care of myself, I will reap the blessings He has in store for me in all their fullness. They also humble me as I again see Him faithfully and actively pursuing a deeper relationship with me as I ask the age-old question, "Who am I?"

And it all starts with repentance and rest, quietness and trust. The repentance and trust aren't difficult. It's the rest and quietness that I struggle with the most. I must be still and know that He is God.

"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength."
Isaiah 30:15

My Little Corner

The following is n excerpt from my journal, dated Sunday, January 4, 2009. I am being consistently reminded these days of the need to simplify my life and my surroundings. Here is a little peek into my world ...

Yesterday I spent most of the day cleaning the bedroom. It isn't quite complete, but very close, and my new favorite spot is a corner I've set up as my personal quiet space.

I've had my eye on this spot for quite some time, and I'm thrilled that it's finally ready. It's in the southwest corner of the room, next to a west-facing window. There is a glider chair, and to my left as I sit here is a bookshelf built by my maternal grandfather. Housed on this shelf, along with pictures and a few other treasured items from our wedding, are a couple of Bibles, some devotional books, my personal Bible, this journal, a lamp, a CD player, and some worship cd's. A of Kleenex sits on my dressing table just to my right.

I expect many sweet hours here, countless encounters with my God, my Friend. I am filled with anticipation as I imagine close and intimate moments here with the Lover of my soul.

Yesterday as I dusted the shelves and their contents, I found myself praying a prayer of dedication of this special place to the Lord. I told Him that we will have many wonderful conversations here. This will be a place of revelation, of refreshing, of peace and communion.

How divinely precious is my little corner of the world.

Whose Voice Do I Hear?

This month, our church is corporately encouraging its members to identify those things that have hindered our relationship and time with God and set them aside in pursuit of reconnecting with our First Love. Each individual is left to personally identify what that thing or what those things are and to find an accountability partner (spouse or friend) to assist with remaining faithful to this endeavor.

For me, it's television and talk radio. The constant flow of babble had become routine in my home and in my car, providing a non-stop stream of conversation and noise that had saturated my mind and spirit in a way I was not really aware of - until I turned it off.

Wow. Quiet, while a welcome change, can be somewhat intimidating. It's more than just the removal of the noise. It's becoming aware of the habit of reaching for the remote or the radio dial and realizing just how accustomed we have become to having this unending backdrop of noise and conversation.

Now, here is the clincher. Once the man-made noise is removed, and quiet is restored in the home and in my spirit, I have found myself unexpectedly quick to hear the voice of One who has been speaking to me all along, but Whose sweet and gentle voice I was unable to hear clearly because of all the audio clutter I had surrounded myself with. Removing it, or at least reducing it to a bare minimum, has already proven to be one of the best decisions I have made in a long time.

So as I embark on this little January journey toward reconnecting with not only my First Love but with myself and with true reality, I have decided to share parts of this journey with you, in the hopes that some part of the revelation that I am anticipating will come will minister to your spirit as it has ministered to mine. I'll be posting excerpts from my journal in the days to come. I believe that when the Lord gives us insights into Him, we are meant to share them.

So for today, a simple encouragement borrowed from one my favorite writers, King David:

"May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
even as we put our hope in You."
Psalm 33:22

Quick Updates & Quiet Moments

Much has happened since my last post. Here's the rundown ...

Tyler is doing better and was able to spend Christmas at home. He has since had the cast replaced with a walking cast, which enables him to get around the house a little more easily. He will still use the wheelchair when he leaves the house. He is having IV medication administered every six hours (for about a month) through a PICC line in his right arm, which feeds about a foot and a half of tubing directly to his heart for better reception of the meds. This happens at home, and a home health nurse will go to school and administer the meds when he returns to school next week.

Other than that, we had a great Christmas with both sides of the family. It was all about the time spent with those we love, and our only regret is that we were unable to spend another week, and we would have loved to have had the opportunity to hook up with more friends while we were in town. God is good, and we were blessed to visit with a few friends, though.

Since we got back, we have hit the ground running, both at work and with the River. We are excited to see where the Lord will lead us this year, a year of renewed hope and fulfilled promises and realized dreams. We have both received some pretty strong and encouraging words for this year and are looking forward to see what the coming months will unfold before us.

On a sadder note, David's great uncle, Gene Johnson, passed away yesterday morning in Austin. We will not be able to return for the funeral, but Uncle Gene was special to David, as he was closer to him than he was his own father, which is a story for another time and place. Prayers for comfort for the family are sincerely appreciated.

In honor of our concentrated efforts this month to unclutter our lives as much as possible and to simplify our surroundings as we return to our First Love, I am temporarily removing the Music from the Heart in the interest of promoting a quiet, peaceful environment. An old song once reminded us, "Silence is golden ..." and what I am reconnecting with in these first days of 2009 is the beautiful peace and rest of simple silence. Now, for someone who has been accused of being a music junkie, the introduction of musicless moments into my day is HUGE, but I have already come to be reminded, in these precious moments of quiet solitude, how much more readily I can hear the voice of the Lover of my soul with no distractions and interruptions, even those that may seem "worthy."

So, again, enjoy this simple quiet moment, savoring it for all it's worth, and simply listen. Listen for that still, small voice gently calling you to a place of peace and rest and closeness in the coming year.

Grace & Peace,
Rachael